July 2011
“The further in you get, the bigger and greener it is.”
– Some survivalist guy.
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“We all joined this band because we love playing dragon tunes!”
– Marky Mark
“You know what would be a blast? Laying out in the sun for thirty years until...”
– Anyone who’s ever willingly moved to Florida, ever.
“Man, it is just so chilly and dry out.”
– No one in Florida, ever.
Florida smells like sulfur and baby shampoo. I...
Also I think some crazy old guy at the gas station started trying to hit on me. Something about not liking females but wanting to start a family. He also stared me directly in the eye the whole time.
I'm not sure if they have internet where I'm...
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I’ve noticed a few ants in my room lately. So, I looked around wondering where they were leaking in from. I found a good handful scuttling about on my windowsill.
Guess where they were taking up house?
In my copy of The Book Of Mormon.
So I did what any responsible atheist would do.
I killed them with rum.
Getting on a plane tonight for the first time...
Got my fingers crossed for a cavity search.
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shanemorris-deactivated20130106 asked: Dats wut i be telln dem hoez. dem faggts aint lyke me. dem glitter blood niggas r soft. dem soft lyke baby thighs, nahmean?
"Pumpkin, you're dating a tumbling, tumbling dick...
truthsofmyyouth asked: tell me about yourself, handsome.